i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
