So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
