Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
