I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.