No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
