the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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