Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
