at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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