I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
