I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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