id be glad to
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
