Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
