your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
