I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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