Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
