Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
