If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
