He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
