Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
