best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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