we're blogging at a bar
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize