I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize