When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
