"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
