It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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