her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
