Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
