Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
