Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
