Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
fuck your aforementioned shoe
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
