I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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