I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
