Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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