Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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