**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
