After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
