I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
