somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
