I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
