Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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