We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
