its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
