there's paper in my vomit.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
