wat bout pragnant strippers??
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
