forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
