Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
