Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
