# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
