part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
