I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
