Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
