Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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