I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
