just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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