i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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