Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
