im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
