I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
