She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
