i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize