I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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