Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
